Monday, December 13, 2010

Tale of 2 Cities

~An emergency curhat session.~


This is gonnabe long. So long that it needs to be structured in chapters, written in several drafts, refined, refined, and refined hahahah. Lebay. Let me start with a quote.


"..after the the year I had, I.. I don't know, I guess..I guess having lunch with her just reminded me of how was it like to be 18 and had my whole life figured out."
~Ted Mosby~

Well.. hi-five, Ted.


Just like any other holiday periods, there is always a time in a day for a sofa fiesta, bergaul dengan remote TV, with a mission to find something watchable.


HYMYM season 4 was on TV. It was the episode when Ted meets Karen, his annoying ex-girlfriend back in college. Of course his friends can't stop questioning why oh why Ted is willing to date a regular cheater like her again. So Ted answered them. With the words that suddenly put my desperation level to the max.


18. Just started college. Everything is figured out. Singapore was a fascinating new playground. I remember updating my Friendster status, "Continuing our perfect life" - with the profile picture of me posing in front of the Merlion.

Never thought that 3,5 years later I'd be sitting on the sofa thinking where did all those years go? Where am I now?


//Early Blues?


I've been struggling to enjoy this holiday period. The feeling has been fluctuating really, sometimes I can just have fun strolling at malls not thinking of anything Singapore-related, in times I can just lie down in bed at night, having thoughts and feeling scared. Yes the holiday is filled with enjoyable activities (including regular Hokben trips, watching all movies in cinemas until we're running out of movies, and LIFEHOUSE - still high on Jason Wade :D), but I'm finding it difficult to get rid of this voice saying "this is your last holiday," I've been hearing from the day I stepped on Soekarno-Hatta.


After this is the last academic semester. Then job hunting. Then working. Sometimes the stress was so real it gave headaches. Gw gak tau ini sesuai dengan aturan medis apa nggak, tapi biasanya kalo gw stress, pusingnya itu di kepala deket leher, dan udah 2 panadol yang gw telen hari ini.


Actually, that kind of anxiety, widely known as pre-Lasalle syndrome, is a regular offender. It usually strikes around the end of holiday periods,, around 10+ days before going back to school.


But this time, at the first night in Jakarta, I opened my eyes in the middle of the night, terrified. Terrified of leaving. Terrified of being 'away' again. I was in my own bedroom and I wanted the morning to come faster so I can see my family again. This kind of feeling - is very similar if not identical with homesickness.


I was feeling homesick, at home.


I think I know what's the root of the anxiety. I really really really love my profile. As a daughter, as a student, as a girl. I adore living in a house with parents and brothers in it. I adore riding a car dad drives. I adore the weekend family trips to the malls (yeh anak mol teteup). I adore the role so much it bothers me just thinking about leaving without knowing when would be the next chance to go home. I adore being a student it scares me thinking about the world out there.


Rela ga sih gw ngelepasin the privileges of being in my own hometown?


Or can I stand living in the hometown itself? Not as an 'every-6-months-tourist' - but as a professional who has to deal with the wild traffic everyday?


//School.


Okay the whole anxiety problem has caused headache already. Now when I think about school it becomes headache + stomachace. Intinya kalo inget FYP lagi..


-aduh-


Padahal seorang Devina Siswanto tuh meski malesss masuk sekolah lagi, tapi biasanya bakal bilang,.."aduuuh untung masih ada 1 semester lagi (untuk menyandang predikat "student"). The semester we just had was a paradise with some "almost give up" points. It was mentally and emotionally full of ups and down. Mostly ups when it comes to studio. Extremely busy, but FUN. FUN. FUN. Sampe akhirnya ada kejadian about 3 weeks ago yang bikin gw ngomong sesuatu yang mestinya I shouldn't have said. Gw termasuk orang yang pantang swearing, bahkan swearing yang "katanya" halus kayak sialan aja udah no way. Tapi 3 minggu lalu, gw teriak (meski dalam hati dan sekali lagi sorry)


- watdefaaakkkkkk.


It altered (I hope temporarily) my perception about school. 180 degree. Basa Cinanya wat ever. Gw gak pernah sebegitu pengennya nampar seseorang. It doesn't really bothers me personally, masalahnya this is not about me, but this is about the people whom I care about. The people who put their hopes in me. And I don't know this is gonna make me feel better or worst, bukannya sombong, tapi setelah dipikir2 sekian kali, gw makin yakin itu bukan salah gw.


Kalo boleh mengutip sebuah paragraf dari buku/ blognya Margareta Astaman (a journalist whose book I discovered just few days ago dan pengen gw ajak hi-five juga) to describe what I felt,


"Yang gue rasakan, jarak satu jam seperempat itu menjadi ribuan tahun ke hati orang-orang terdekat kami. Di mata mereka gue bukan lagi seseorang yang bisa (dan boleh) menangis. Ada segudang harapan dan impian yang tersusun di bahu kami. Kami kini dilarang gagal. Maka ketika telepon, hanya kisah sukses dan keberhasilan yang tega dibagi."


Dan gw makin pengen menampar orang itu.
Dan makin gak percaya sama institusi itu.
Dan beberapa orang didalam salah satu fakultasnya.


And I already had a new photography project in mind - foto dari sebuah sisi jembatan dalem kampus yang menghadap ke salah 1 blok, terus dikasih caption elegant myriad pro semibold kira2 16pt warna hitam "S***W YOU, LASALLE*




And around last week. God reminded me something.




Ampun Tuhan.




Emangnya siapa yang dulu jungkir balik diatas tempat tidur sambil doa : "Tuhaaaaaaan, mau dong sekolah di gedung artistik nan hitam ituuuu, plis plis plis plisss Tuhaaaan.."


Akyu.


And God reminded me of something else. The first Sunday - which means the first sermon I heard in Jakarta was : Tuhan udah mo dateng - gak boleh ada kepahitan. Forgive. Forgive. Yak ampun, dari dulu gw pikir nih perintah gampang, gw pikir gw orangnya pemaaf. Singapore has truly been a test.


Terus nemu facebook guru SMP yang menurut gw legendaris. One of his status updates slapped me hard. I don't want to write it here because I think it's not 100% true but the truth in a part of it was the one that slapped me (halah).


Dan yang nampar paling keras was the sermon in Ima's Christmas party about a week ago (yang intinya sama : jangan marah soal keadaan). Pak pendeta tanya, sebagai orang tua (kita2 bayangin aje), kalo kita liat anak kita mainannya direbut sama anak tetangga gimana? Lagi rebutan nih ceritanya, reaksi kita:

1. (ke anak tetangga): "Heh lepasin gak mainannya?? Ini punya anak saya!"
2. (ke anak sendiri) :"Udah nak, kasih aja, nanti papa/mama beliin yang lebih bagus,"

Ada yang jawab 1, ada yang jawab 2, ada yang jawab "tergantung mood,"

Nah menurut anda sekalian, kira2 reaksi Bapa di surga itu yang mana?


Iya deh Tuhan, sorry banget--


//Life after college.

My mind is full of "uneasy" thoughts about this. About job. About moving out again. About IZIN TINGGAL.Yang terakhir yang paling bikin kepikiran, I've been hearing so many cases of how difficult it is to seek for the pass nowadayas.

And a funny thing about moving out : GW TRAUMA! Ahahah.

Yes apparently my last 'pindahan experience' was quite traumatizing, yang unbelievably mengakibatkan gw males belanja di mol2 Jakarta. Setiap ada barang bagus gw jadi mikir2 ni barang bakal bikin repot ga yah ntar. Gausah deh.

Intinya gw takut deh mikirin masa depan. Kalo menurut teorinya Robert Plutchik ini namanya despair : sadness + fear. Of leaving.

Terus gw diingetin lagi hidup gw tuh siapa yang pegang emangnya?

If God holds tomorrow,
Why should I fear?

And here's the verse God gave me about this, Luke 12 : 22-32.

Do Not Worry

Then Jesus said to his disciples:
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.
For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.

Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap,
they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them.
And how much more valuable you are than birds!
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?

Since you cannot do this very little thing,
why do you worry about the rest?
Consider how the wild flowers grow.
They do not labor or spin.
Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor
was dressed like one of these.

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field,
which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire,
how much more will he clothe you รณ you of little faith!

And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink;
do not worry about it.
For the pagan world runs after all such things,
and your Father knows that you need them.

But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father
has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

...

Ayat yang dulu gw 'sekedar baca'.

Pikir gw gak mungkin gw mikirin beginian, pasti gw lebih mikirin perkembangan sepakbola Italia atau duhhh gimana cara bakar semua kalori ini???? But those things in the verses are the ones I'm doing noww.


Ampun Tuhan, ampun big time.


Friday, December 10, 2010

"Mahasiswa"


Dulu gw pikir para mahasiswa/i pada umumnya (apalagi yang dateng pake jas di talk show2 itu) adalah orang2 cerdas, mandiri, non-anarkis, dan berjiwa politis yang mampu berpikir kritis dan selalu dapat melontarkan komentar2 bermutu.

Tapi sekarang, setelah 3,5 tahun jadi mahasiswi, buat gw kadang definisi mahasiswa tuh anak2 seumur gw, bahkan kadang2 lebih muda :( yang kebetulan diundang & cuma ikut2an ketawa aja setiap ada yang melontarkan lelucon, meskipun kadang gak lucu2 amat.

Discovery kadang bisa mengecewakan emang. Do we need to stop growing up to maintain the ideal world inside our heads?

Monday, December 6, 2010

JASON WADE :D



It hasn't been a week yet since I came back to the capital J but I've caught 2 amazing soccer games, eaten hokben 2 twice, attended a wedding, and an awesome concert ---> remember about the Lifehouse gig I thought I wouldn't have a chance to attend? Well thank God mom said yesss!!! ---> Haha tidak mudah tinggal di Jakarta.

And I immediately and frantically searched for tickets- and thank God I got themm yaaayy and the price is relatively very cheap :D
About the concert day - uhmm.

It kinda reminded me of the thesis seminar presentation day, the day sooo torturing I was really afraid I was gonna catch a nightmare. Again. Here's the story.

The event was actually held to commemorate the birthday of Arthur Guinness, the founder of the famous beer brand, and it (supposedly) started at 17:59 - because it's the year Guinness was born. Nah normally (at least in Indonesia) gigs are late. And I read sooo many other bands that will perform before Lifehouse from the lineup- I wondered how lateee Lifehouse would perform. Then I read from Guinness Indonesia's twitter that there would be several stages in the area, so I thought, ohh, so they would spread the stages and it's not gonnabe very late for Lifehouse then. And because I bought the ticket just one day before the event directly from Guinness Indonesia, elsewhere was already closed, I had to take the ticket on the spot before 5 pm anyway.

Okay, so we went to Rasuna Epicentrum Walk at around 4.30, redeemed the tickets, walked around the malls, and went to the still-closed gate (which supposedly opened at 4pm), and queued for around 15 minutes. Oh by the way it's a 21+ event and I didn't get carded. That means despite the maximum effort (-cutting bangs-) I still look like a 21+. Oh well then.

We still had to wait until 6+ before getting into the venue with.. uhm.. not so many people (I really think the event wasn't promoted successfully because I know so many people didn't hear anything about it). We even played cards with 2 fellow Indo and 1 Canadian girls while waiting, spotted some bules in the event.

Okay there's a small stage near the waiting area where the bands who took part in BoldChemistry, a band competition held by Guinness performed. And I think that's what called "several" stages = the main stage and that stage. Oh no. I overheard a girl beside us talking to her friend - "Maybe Lifehouse's turn is gonnabe at 11?"


-- I hope not, girl.


Then the venue's open, everybody rushed inside to the front, we got a super strategic spot as well ahahah. Then the MCs started talking, then the first band to perform was the favorite winner of BoldChemistry. It's good. We clapped. Then they started another song. Oh. We started worrying. It's okay. Maybe 2 songs. Then they started another song. They sang 3 songs. And apparently Vena timed it hahahah. That's 25 minutes per band. Okay relax. It's not that bad. Then the MC appeared again, talking about Guinness history as the crew were preparing the gears for the next band. The next band is the winner of BoldChemistry. 3 songs. Very good. I thought, okay, enough for the bands from the competition. Time for the 'already well-known bands ---> Pure Saturday, Superman is Dead, and Rivermaya before Lifehouse. I hoped Lifehouse would start before 9. Then apparently there's still another band who wasn't even listed in the brochure ---another 3 songs. OUUCCHH.



I didn't mean to be rude, I would have enjoyed watching their performances if I was in Singapore - the island with no curfew- but this is Jakarta---the city where I'm gonnabe in trouble if I'm still outside with no convincing reason after 10--


Pure Saturday


Then it's time for Pure Saturday. I really enjoyyyyed their performance up to the 3rd song. Then they kept playing. And playing. I was really really afraid. It's 40 minutes already. Not done yet. The wait was very unpleasant. And a guest star came to the stage. They had a little chit chat (which made me wanna scream pleeeassse stop talking and finish the songgg). Seriouuusssly sorry. Pure Saturday is a greattt band but I was afraid. And they finally finished.

In one hourrrrr.

Then the MC appeared again. It's time for Superman is Dead. I really hoped they wouldn't take another hour (which they did). Sorry for their fans, SiD is definitely not my cup of tea. ---. There were so many SiD fans their I could tell. A group of them MOSHED behind us during a song - Huhhh. But they pushed us more to the front so it's okay this time. Ahahah.

And during the SiD performance I almost gave up. I couldn't bear waiting any longer. We didn't know when would they finish and we still had Rivermaya (who could take more than 1 hour). Then something extraordinary happened. Everybody was so busy watching SiD. I seemed to be the only one looking around, tired and bored. Then I looked to the right side of the stage behind those curtains.


I SAW JASON WADE standing there taking a glimpse of SiD. I didn't wanna cause a commotion so I stayed quiet but couldn't stop smiling. Couldn't take my eyes off him as well. Ahahah. Then I told Vena about that and her mood was also suddenly boosted ahahah.


SiD was finally over, then the MC again. Then it's time for Rivermaya. We sat down around 3/4 of the performance to save energy and to look at the time. Oh noo it's almost 11 already. Then we stood up hoping it's the last song. It's not. They kept playing another song and another song (which is good if I wasn't afraid). And they gave a lonngggggg (again. PLEASE PLEASE STOP TALKING I WANNA SEE JASON WADE ON STAGE A.S.A.P) greeting to Jakarta (which is also considered a good thing if I wasn't not afraid). And when they're gonna sing You'll be Safe Here which was supposed to be their last song, they sang 21 Guns first OHHHH NOOOO (untung cuma dikit), then finally. Fiuh. Goodbye Rivermaya it's 11 already. !!!!!!!


Rivermaya


And Lifehouseeeeeeeeee --- oh wait the crew had to prepare the gears up first.


The bule guy whose seemed to the head crew kept going on and off the stage. First I thought he's very hot but by that time I just wanted to shout gooo awayyyy buleeee lamaaa banget sih looooooo. I hoped they would take max. 15 minutes to prepare - then 20 - (a guy shouted HURRY UPPP!!!) then 25 - and it's 11:30 pm. And one of the crew finally gave a thumb. The crowd cheeeered hard.


AND IT'S LIFEHOUSE ON THE STAGEEEE!!!!



Vena asked me which song I'd like to hear the most. "Uhm.. Whatever It Takes?"


JASON WADE :D

JASON WADE AGAIN :D

Uhm. Again. Sorry.

Then he took the acoustic guitar. Is it gonnabe...jrenggg YES IT'S YOU AND ME. Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!!! Finally - singing the song LIVE with the real Jason Wade.

Then right after that --->the song I said I wanted to hear the most ---> WHATEVER IT TAKES! And by the way ---> Thank You God :DDD It's another favorite treadmill song :D







Thank You Lord thank You thank You from the bottom of my heart thank Youuu :DDD LOVE YOU MUCH :D And thanks for the autograph as well!!!


Thank God I bought the last minute tickets,
they came with a bonusss.

*this is not a Guinness commercial*

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Catching Up with the Sport World!


Firstly I wanna apologize for the gaptekness and the lebayness but seriously thank God I have arrived in the city with a TV! Ahahah!

After 4 months of doing live sporty situations-reading, for example:

(Well at least I read it...live.)


It's time for watching sports from a-TV-and-not-a-computer-monitor!

If only I went home 2 days earlier - I'd have been able to witness how Barca trashed Madrid by 5-0 uwwwoowww but never mind, I landed just in time to catch Indonesia - Malaysia. The 5-1 victory was like a welcome drink :D thanks God!!!

Since F1 and MotoGP is over, I hoped to see some great soccer during this holiday period. As a form of preparation before flying back home, a simple research is done. I'm gonna watch these bigmatches!!!

From EPL,
And on the 18th of December,

And..
There's a "buy ticket" button beside every match info. I wonder what would happen if I clicked one of them. And I wonder when will clicking them become something habitual and casual. Hihi.

From Serie A (actually I wanna catch all matches involving Juve. Just hoping one of the channels is still broadcasting serie A. Please.),

spot the JUVE-LAZIO.

And the Milan-Roma.
Ahahah those are my bigmatches. After 3,5 years of not really knowing what is happening in Serie-A, I don't know if the meaning of 'La Grande Partita' has changed or not.

No significant findings from Champions league-I heard Juve's out from Europa league as well :(

Oh a massive musical announcement. Yesterday when I was daydreaming, our car passed a big billboard. I catched a glimpse of it - Eh? What? Lifehouse? They're coming? When? I then reached home and googled. Found this.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. This will happen this coming Saturday. THIS COMING SATURDAY. And how could I just heard about this yesterday. Whyyy??? *Blaming ConcertGdAsia (find them on Twitter) for the shock* And the ticket is still available.

Oh well, like mom will say yes when I ask "Mom can I go to a rock concert this Saturday? Alone? It's to commemorate the birthday of Guinness' founder. Come on mom, you know Guinness, the beer?"

-Jakarta is a good place to be home - not to wander around alone. It's very hard to be single in this city (when you wanna go to a rock concert). I really neeed a man (for December 4th). Or at least a friend (who likes Lifehouse and is willing to go). I really need the parental permission. I wanna see Jason Wade.

:( Lifehouse. I stored a lottt of memories in the band.