Sunday, September 13, 2015

Things We Treasured Deeply, and Let Go, Eventually


Gue lagi punya weekly program baru, it's exciting, and the rule is very simple: Every week, I have to discard 1 plasticbagful of crap. Pokoknya (bagaimanapun caranya), gue harus ngisi kantong plastik itu dengan apapun yang bisa ditemukan di kamar ---> untuk dibuang. Ini tentunya tidak mudah dan makan waktu. Because for an true blue sentimentalist, spring cleaning can turn into a longggg nostalgic indulgence session and a dramatic mind-battle (one voice says 'throw away' and the other says no).

Ibu saya pasti bangga dengan lahirnya program ini. Lebih ke bingung tepatnya, secara salah satu perbedaan mendasar antara saya dengan beliau adalah how we see the little things in life widely known as "memento". Perbedaan ini sudah mengakibatkan begitu banyak prahara rumah tangga. Contoh yang paling sulit dilupakan adalah tragedi La Gazetta dello Sports, harian olahraga Italia yang secara gemilang dan mengharukan berhasil dibawa pulang dari Roma, delapan musim panas yang lalu.

How I see it: Artifak bersejarah yang menandai sebuah kejadian penting yang tidak dapat diulang lagi; moment dimana akhirnya gue bisa melihat dengan mata kepala sendiri koran legendaris yang dulu hanya bisa dibayangkan rupanya; pertanda betapa saya sangat dicintai dan diperhatikan oleh Sang Pencipta.

How she sees it: Koran bekas.

Gak perlu dibahas lah apa yang selanjutnya terjadi. Pastinya akhirnya yang salah gue, "siapa suruh taro disini?" *padahal ditaro dilaci khusus untuk Italy-related valuables*. Anyway, there's a fine line between being sentimental dan nyampah.

Saya dulu tidak mengerti bagaimana mungkin dengan mudahnya orang membuang memori, to me it's almost like taking experiences and life's special moments for granted. Until one day came a forced wake-up call: a life event (that some people fortunately, or unfortunately will never encounter) bernama pindahan.

Pindahan is. ARGH. STRESS. GILA.

'Pindahan' actually has happened few times, but feelers gonna feel. Setelah settled di cangkang baru, life went on, we encountered new moments, collected new memories, harta karun itu akan kembali menumpuk. I went back to 'not understanding how can people throw memories away so easily?' Nah baru-baru ini ada realisasi yg lebih profound *don't laugh this is serious*: the end is near. Bentar lagi Maranatha man! We don't know when, or what will happen tomorrow. These days I think about it more and I get more and more aware how short life is. Apakah harta karun ini akan pernah berguna lagi? Apa malah bikin hidup susah? I made up my mind, found a large plastic bag, and started hunting for prey. Gak akan mati juga kan kalo gue buang.

After a few minutes I realized, this wouldn't be easy. Here we go again, another round of nostagic indulgence session. I bumped into some precious, forgotten reminders:

1. Hand-drawn map from Hostel Ceria ke Places of Interest terdekat (tulisan masi lumayan).
Itu sebelum saya menyadari, eh kecil banget yah negeri ini. Tapi bikin inget masa-masa masih excited sama this new playground (dan betapa positifnya saya memandang hidup ini).
*freedom*
*can do anything I want*
*can go anywhere alone*
*can eat absolutely everything*
*tapi harus ngirit*
*mahal banget gila*

2. Peta lusuh Tokyo subway network yang berjasa bikin survive dari Maihama ke Shinjuku and back, padahal itu adalah manifestasi sempurna dari frase 'urban junggle'.

3. Printed draft about summer 2006. Gila niat banget diprint. Yang mau baca juga cuma saya.
Longgg and detailed story about the achieving the Italian dream, and thank God for each little details, jadi inget exactly how it felt, breathing the Italian air for the first time. Time fades memories about feelings. I remember 2006 being on the the best years ever but I have started to forget how it felt like.

4. First-ever payslip.
Young, inexperienced, confused. I thank God that stage is over. And how much better life is now.

5. Tiket exhibition da Vinci sama koko sayang (oke ini gak dibuang).

Beberapa penemuan itu cukup bikin saya wondering again, why am I throwing these memories away? Siapa bilang gak berguna? Buktinya barang-barang ini bisa men-generate rasa...ini apa yah namanya. Terenyuh gitu. Then, at that very moment, it was revealed to me, ini toh gunanya. This is why I had to keep these things for a certain period of time (long enough for me to forget and remember again): for moments like these. For a moment of profound thanksgiving and humbling reflection. And I guess that's enough. Bad things become good lessons and good times become good memories. Now it's time to let go and expect new experiences, wonderful things God has for us.

So goodbye, things I used to treasure (in the name of sentimentality), and had to let go (in the name of practicality). I put those things in the plastic bag and threw it away. It felt therapeutic.



P.S: Okay I didn't not entirely let go. Thank God for those people who invented virtual space. And mobile phones with good camera.